Struggling to let go

My time at work and church is drawing to a close. Next week I find out which college I will be going to for pre-ordination training. This brings excitement at what the next step will bring and where it will lead.

But I am struggling to let go. Last Friday saw the first time since I established a monthly cafe church at our church that I wasn't present and other people led it. Although I'm going back next month to lead it again, and although I'm delighted that the hard work of the last year is paying off and people who wouldn't normally talk from the front are offering to do so; it was hard sitting in the office knowing that life at church was carrying on.

I'm struggling to let go at work also. We are currently advertising for someone to replace me. We have had discussions about the role, and I have thought about the children I will be leaving. Some I may not miss quite so much, but they all feel like family. Just walking away and trusting someone else with my family is so very hard. I'm convinced that this is the right time to go. I have taken the charity as far as I can. They need fresh blood and I need a new challenge. But I still don't like the idea of someone taking over.

This has made me think a lot about when I get to being a minister. I never want to stop throwing myself fully into what I do. But at the same time I must remember that it isn't about me, it's about God. It isn't about me being popular, or even missed; rather it is about God's kingdom being built - and for some unknown reason God is calling me to a part of that.

Despite all this... letting go is hard to do.

Wooton Bassett - a true community

Did you watch the documentary about Wooton Bassett on Monday night? It was a really moving programme and I was in tears watching the family of a young man have to watch as his coffin was driven through the town. However, this isn't a discussion about the rights or wrongs of war - this is about community.

The documentary talked of Wooton Bassett being a true community. Members of the town said in this busy world, they still made time to stop, to remember together, to support each other. Friend and stranger was welcomed alike into the community. It was a community that drew others into itself. One man said that they could never look at the High Street in the same way again - that would forever be the place where the community gathered.

There was a lot of truth spoken. Communities should be places that share together. That laugh together. That cry together. That recognise the true priorities in life and stop when they need to in order to gather together. Church community should be the same. We should build a community that can share the good times and the bad times together. A community where people naturally will go, and where friend and stranger will be welcomed alike. We should be a community, just by our very presence and the way we are, draws people into it.

This followed on from the sermon I heard on Sunday. The reading was Jesus appearing to the disciples in the Upper Room. And the sermon focussed on the Upper Room. The place where the disciples gathered. A place forever of memories - good and bad. Doubt and faith. Heartache and elation. We so often argue that our church buildings aren't important - the church is the people. And of course that is correct. However, we do a disservice to our buildings if we see them purely as a space, devoid of any meaning, where we simply collect together. The place is important in building the community. My church has been there for 176 years. For some it is a place of celebration. For others a place of sorrow. For some, over the years, it has been both. Our buildings, while sometimes expensive, sometimes unpractical, are places of memories. And we need to be a community that openly shares the bad times as well as the good, because it is when we are truly community that we will draw others in. It is when we are comfortable with the place where we are, that we will be happy with inviting others in. And as people are drawn in, then the message of the love and grace of Jesus Christ, in good times and bad, will be apparent. And it is then that we will truly be community.

It's a whole other world out there...

'It's like a different world.' This was my first thought as I pulled into the car park for our recent work fundraising event. My Peugeot 206 estate looked quite lowly next to the rows of Porsche, Jaguar, Ferrari and Bentleys already parked. My opinion wasn't changed as they started bidding during the auction later in the day. Some of them were happy bidding £5,000 for things they probably didn't even need. It was wealth on a scale I hadn't seen.

Yet on Sunday it paled into insignificance as the Sunday Times released their rich list showing that the richest people in Britain have once again got richer - even in this age of austerity. Are we really all in this together we may wonder. It seems obscene that as people lose jobs and homes, while some struggle to have one meal, let alone three a day, that people can still see their wealth rise by billions of pounds in some cases. This would make those who attend my fundraising event look poor.

However, before I get too far up my high horse I was brought back down to earth. To the 1 billion people in our world who have to survive on less than $1 a day I am richer than they can ever dream of being. Because I have a roof over my head, food on my table, a job, a car to drive, friends and family who care about me, clean drinking water straight from a tap, a health service that looks after me even if I couldn't afford it (we must fight to protect this) I am one of the richest in the world.

This is where the church needs to be active. This Christian Aid (http://www.caweek.org/week) please act to ensure that poverty is a thing of the past. Please act to ensure that ALL people have the same basic human rights that we all enjoy. Please act.

A sad day

I was saddened to read today that the United Nations celebrated the assassination of Osama bin Laden. Yet in the United Nations there is the sculpture entitled 'Let us beat swords into ploughshares.' The reference found in Isaiah and Micah promising a time of peace. Of all the people promoting peace not death it should be the UN. God, please bring forth peacemakers.

A young dinosaur???

This post threatens to herald my arrival as an out of touch dinosaur when I am still only 30! However, I am finding myself increasingly concerned, frustrated and maddened by the reliance our society places on technology rather than people. I booked 6 tickets to go to the Twickenham Rugby 7's in a couple of weeks. Despite not actually receiving my tickets yet, when I phoned up to add a couple more tickets I was told that I wouldn't be able to move my existing booking so all 8 of us could sit together as their computer system wouldn't allow it. My only option would be to try and sell my existing tickets through their sister company (for a small fee) and then buy 8 new tickets. When re-entering Britain from a recent trip to Greece I had the option of going through the electronic passport control rather than to one of the people sitting there - I chose, despite never finding friendly passport control officer, that I still wanted that human contact. The funny bit was that my 70 year old Dad wanted to use the electronic system to keep up with modern times. I worry that machines can never have the flexibility that a person has. I hate it that supermarkets now have self service checkouts and slowly are eradicating another aspect of personal contact people have.

Technology is very useful (the irony that I am using a blog to complain about the use of modern technology has not been lost on me!), I very rarely go out without my mobile phone. But the reliance we now have on it is worrying. Our communities are gradually being lost as we try and make times like shopping more efficient by removing the human aspect with online shopping and now self service checkouts. Our town centres are becoming less uniques as we demand the same shops as everywhere else.

I have found myself realising the usefulness of technology. As a Spurs fan I know that increased technology would have ensured we beat Chelsea at the weekend. However, I don't want football to become another mechanical event. Human error is part of the game - we accept it from players when they miss shots or goalies fumble the ball, so why is the ref any different?

For the sake of our society and our local communities we need to fight to keep technology in its place. It should be used to make life easier and better, but it should never be allowed to take over our lives as it is doing at the moment. As I lay in bed on Sunday thinking this over this song ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMnhsr1IJQs&fmt=18 ) from Kate Rusby came onto the radio. It sums up my thoughts totally. We must defend all that is precious to us - both new and old ideas together.