We will remember them

I passed Cambridge War Memorial at just the right time to take part in the Act of Remembrance at 11 o'clock. It was just a simple, short service, consisting of a couple of prayers, a short reflection and the act of remembrance. What struck me was the end, after the blessing and dismissal, when people respectfully went their own ways. For me, it was a picture of a city, just for a moment, setting aside all the hustle and bustle of the day, and uniting together. Young and old, rich and poor, child, student, business person, unemployed, construction worker, retired - all together. Those who had served in the forces, and those who hadn't. Those who agreed with the wars we have been, and are involved in; and those that don't. All united. United to remember those who have fallen, those who were injured, in the course of their service to this country. Also, we were united in our praying and hoping for peace in our time.

They shall grow not old,

As we who are left grow old.

Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.

At the going down of the sun, and in the morning,

We will remember them.

Practical Theism

I'm reading a book at the moment called 'Windows on Wesley'. It's one of these books which has variety of contributors writing on different subjects. The chapter I've just read is by the editor of the book - Philip Meadows. He writes about a faith that is alive and is based on right action and not just sound doctrine, that seeks to know God as well as just know of him, that notices God in the whole of creation and not just in the supposedly spiritual bits. It leads him into a spirit of optimism for the world around. He writes:

"Thus, the pessimism of an Augustinian assessment of human nature, which considers the vast bulk of humankind to be reprobates on their way to damnatino, is overthrown by a Wesleyan optimism of grace which sees every human being as a 'candidate for heaven,' to use (Rev. John) Fletcher's expression, or 'a probationer for a blissful immortality." ('Windows on Wesley', ed. Philip Meadows; Applied Theology Press; 1997, p.40)

Wouldn't it be great if the whole church grasped some of that optimism. That saw all people, not as miserable sinners, but as 'candidates for heaven?' That actually saw something of the grace and image of God in all who we meet. Meadows continues to say that conversion is vital, and is concerned with enabling people to recognise the grace of God in them already. A grace that goes before any commitment to follow God.

It reminded me of a lecture from a few weeks back on 1 Corinthians 1. In the opening verses Paul writes to those 'called to be saints' (v2). Now I don't speak Greek, but our lecturer informs us that the correct translation should be that they are saints. His challenge was, how many people sitting in our congregations think of themselves as saints? So often we focus on the need to confess and repent, and they are both very important, but it is also important that people recognise that, in God's eyes, they are already saints.

It sometimes feels as though our beloved Methodist Church needs life breathed into it. Well I suggest, rather than spending so much energy on restructuring, let's proclaim the message of optimism based on God's grace. Let's see the potential in all and encourage them to recognise the grace of God already in their own lives. Because I'd be willing to bet that it would be pretty infectious.

Light of the World

It was our fortnightly Community Worship at Wesley House this evening. This week the Methodist Lectionary theme is 'Receiving the Light' and so we carved pumpkins and placed tealights in them. It was an activity that all ages could participate in and the creativity of the pumpkins was amazing. Then without the need for a sermon, or even a reflection using words, just by having 8 pumpkins a-glow around the room and the lights off we could reflect on the words of Scripture we had heard:

"...I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness but will have the light of life... As long as I am in the world, I am the light of the world." (John 8:12, & 9:5)

and

"You are the light of the world. A city built on a hill cannot be hidden. No one after lighting a

lamp puts it under the bushel basket, but on a lampstand, and it gives light to all in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven." (Matthew 5:14-16)

Photos taken by Revd. Dr. Jane Leach

CPD - A gift of God

At this evening's Methodist Theology and Spirituality seminar each student received their copy of 'The Constitutional Practice and Discipline of the Methodist Church' - obviously 2011 edition rather than 2010, but I couldn't find a picture of the 2011 edition! This gift was received with about as much enthusiasm as receiving the last decade's worth of Church Council, Property and Finance and Circuit Meeting minutes all neatly collated and bound!

However, our speaker for the evening was Janet Morley - an Anglican who has worked for the Methodist Church for many years. She was bringing her views of Methodism from an Anglican perspective and was very insightful in her observations - even if some were uncomfortable to hear. However, the thing that stuck with me was her enthusiasm for CPD. Janet stated that Methodism was able to articulate it's faith. We have a document that is updated year by year as we discuss areas which may need updating. From this point of view we have a living, evolving faith. We are able to ask the hard questions of ourselves, to discuss, debate, disagree but ultimately to maintain the Connexion between us. She pointed out that the Anglican church still abides by the 39 Articles, which clergy have to swear to at their ordination and as they start at each new post, which apparently is quite anti ecumenism and supports the death penalty. Janet added that in CPD it states that 'The primary purpose for which the District is constituted is to advance the mission of the Church in a region...' (SO 400A) and that 'The Circuit is the primary unit in which Local Churches express and experience their interconnexion in the Body of Christ, for purposes of mission, mutual encouragement and help.' (SO500) How great would it be for all ministers and congregations to see the practical outworkings of our theology in such a way.

The Feast of St Luke - an Orthodox celebration

As part of life in the Cambridge Theological Federation we have fortnightly Federation Worship led by the various institutes that make up the Federation (I realise that was probably a slight over use of the word 'federation'!). This evening was the turn of the Institute for Orthodox Christian Studies. This was the first time that I had ever been to an Orthodox service, and it certainly was an interesting experience. There were some aspects I found challenging, standing up for an hour and a half being one! However, there was also the lack of involvement by the members of the congregation. This was very much something that we watched as the priest and a few others participated on our behalf. Added to that there was the lack of singing and the fact that only members of the Orthodox Church were able to take Communion. This did help me get clear in my mind some of the things I value about Methodism.

Having said that, there were a lot of things that I found useful and inspiring. The theatre of the whole service as the priest moved around from the altar, down into the nave, around the church built a sense of drama and anticipation. Maybe it didn't reflect the meal between friends that I like to think of as Communion, but it did portray something of the wonder and awe-someness of God. Their repeated prayers for themselves, their church, their community and those in authority was also something that made me think. While I don't believe that we need to repeat our prayers over and over, Paul does tell us to pray without ceasing, and this was a great expression of that. The homily was short and to the point - we are part of an unbroken chain of witnesses going back to Luke and beyond. It was uplifting and done in about a dozen sentences - do we really need to always have great long complicated sermons when a few well chosen words will do? Finally, there was the point where the congregation said the creed. It was a long way through the service and was the first point for the congregation to speak. At first people were unsure, then gradually it built up and up as more people expressed their faith together. The sound of so many people, from so many different denominations and traditions, professing together a shared faith, for me, is a sign of what ecumenism is all about. We may have gone our separate ways after, but we did so having reminded ourselves of the things that unite rather than divide.

Thin Places

I have heard people talking about 'Thin Places', places where the gap between heaven and earth seems at it's thinnest, places where people feel closest to God. Maybe it is because I am moving away from Thatcham next week, but today I have spent some time reflecting on my thin places here.

The first is my church. It is not a very radical view, but it is true for me. This is the church I grew up in, I remember coming to Sunday School, social occasions, I became a member of the Methodist Church here, I preached my first sermon here, I became an accredited Local Preacher here. And if I walk in to the Sanctuary when no-one else is there, I can look around the chairs and picture the saints of old who used to sit in them, I can close my eyes and hear their voices. And if I walk in on a Sunday morning I look at the people sitting in the chairs now and it is like looking at my family. For me, that is what church is - a family. I don't know if I'll ever have this experience of church again, but it will be with me forever. This is one of the places where I feel closest to God, either listening to the voices of those around me, or hearing the voices of th

ose who have been and gone. We are not a perfect church, but in amongst the imperfections, there is Jesus.

My second thin place is Thatcham Lake. Again it is alive with memories of walks with Dad through childhood right up to the present day. But the reason I feel so close to God around this place is because for me it speaks of life in all it's beauty - and surely that is where God has to be. It is as I walk around it, as I sit on the benches, that I see life going on. Whether it is ducks quacking, children laughing, ripples running over the lake, there is always life. And it is there that I often choose just to go and pray, reflect, be still. It is a place where no words need to be spoken, but I can go and be still, and know that God is there. These are places I am going to miss. But I do trust that when I move to Cambridge next week, God will provide more thin places where I can meet with him.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer - Life Together 5

"He who is alone with his sin is utterly alone. It may be that Christians, notwithstanding corporate worship, common prayer, and all their fellowship in service, may still be left to their loneliness. The final break-through to fellowship does not occur, because, though they have fellowship with one another as believers and as devout people, they do not have fellowship as the undevout, as sinners. The pious fellowship permts no one to be a sinner. So everybody must conceal his sin from himself and from the fellowship. We dare not be sinners. Many Christians are unthinkably horrified when a real sinner is suddenly discovered among the righteous. So we remain alone with our sin, living in lies and hypocrisy. The fact is that we are sinners!"

So starts the beginning of Bonhoeffer's 5th and final chapter. He continues by writing about the need for confession - but not solitary confession but confession to another member of the church. Bonhoeffer believes that this is the only way of ensuring confession to God and not merely to oneself. This did make me wonder about corporate confession during weekly acts of worship. For many this is an important part of the service, but maybe for some it is just an empty routine. It also made me consider how churches could set about establishing a system of trust and accountability for this to take place if it doesn't happen already. I can imagine that many would initially be quite concerned about confessing sins to one another. However, Bonhoeffer argues that it is only when we truly humble ourselves enough to admit our faults to one another that we can have true community. I can see his thinking behind this, but I can also see the need for careful organising and preparation for the people to hear the confessions to ensure that it isn't used for harm rather than good.

Bonhoeffer concludes this chapter and the book by mentioning Communion. This is the perfection of the fellowship when the members of the community are reconciled through confession and then united around the table. I believe that confession is important. As a church I feel we have shied away from it as a subject for fear of offending or being seen to preach at people. However, sin should not be ignored. Maybe the best way of dealing with it is with it out in the open, rather than trying to appear perfect to others, while secretly struggling with sin alone.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer - Life Together 4

God's timing is certainly good!! I am almost starting my final week at work and it is a bit difficult. My replacement has started and I have found it hard letting go and allowing him to make changes to all I have done over the last 5 years. Today has been especially difficult as I have read through his programme for the next term and seen there are some quite big changes from my programmes. Despite knowing that the activities needed a freshen up, I didn't like reading it. I spent a long while trying to find fault with it, hoping (I'm ashamed to admit) that it wouldn't quite work out. And then, a day later than scheduled, I read chapter 4 of Bonhoeffer's book.

He opens with a paragraph dedicated to how people together will always try judging each other, will try and find fault, if they are weak people they will judge the strong; if they are strong they will show disdain to the weak. The solitary will attack the sociable whilst the sociable mock the solitary. It is human nature to judge and compare. But Bonhoeffer warns that this is the destruction of community. He says the main challenge is to control the tongue and ensure that thoughts do not get verbalised. The passage that struck me was: ' God did not make this person as I would have made him... God does not will that I should fashion the other person according to the image that seems good to me, that is, in my own image; rather in his very freedom from me God made this person in his image.' (p.71)

After feeling admonished and challenged by the opening paragraphs the rest of the chapter gave me much food for thought about being a minister. Before proclaiming the Word of God to anyone, each Christian must learn to listen, really listen, to those he will speak to. Not to see it as wasted time or an annoyance, but as part of Christ's ministry. Just as God listens to us, so we must listen to others. Also, we must learn to bear one another. Not just the burdens, but the things about others that irritate us, the things we don't like about other people. It is not an easy ministry, but it is important to then truly be able to speak to those same people.

Here's hoping for a better day tomorrow, full of listening and not so much speaking, or judging.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer - Life Together 3

Bonhoeffer moves on to talk about being alone. He recognises that many people become part of a church community out of fear of being alone. However, he believes that this is unhealthy for the individual and the community. In order for an individual and a community to be fully who they are meant to be every member of that community must have the correct balance between fellowship and solitude. This is something that I find difficult as I naturally prefer having people around. However, I am starting to value times alone and having periods of silence with no music and no tv on.

Bonhoeffer tells us that Christ calls each of us as individuals and that we die as individuals and face God as individuals. However, he also states that we are not the only one who is called, that we are supported by our community even to death, and that we will stand with the whole company of heaven.

Finally, Bonhoeffer instructs on daily personal devotions. Although sounding quite prescriptive and dry - much like the previous chapter on corporate devotions - he does raise an interesting point on perseverance. So often we are led to believe that if we are 'doing our devotions right' that we will have amazing spiritual experiences every day. This has done a lot of damage to me over the years as I quite often gave up for periods when I didn't experience what others say they experienced. I presumed I obviously wasn't doing it correctly - or maybe I wasn't a Christian at all. But Bonhoeffer encourages us to continue, whatever our experience because we are doing it to honour God and not to gain something ourselves. He also includes a real challenge to pray for members of our fellowship as much as for ourselves. This is certainly a habit I want to try and get into.

So - I shall endeavour to spend a bit more time in silence and alone each day and see what happens.

Dietrich Bonhoeffer - Life Together 2

After a break away from this book due to various activities at church and work during the last few weeks I have returned to read the second chapter - 'The day with others.'

My main criticism of the chapter was that it portrayed quite a dry structure to devotional life with other people on a daily basis. There was to be a Psalm, a reading from Scripture, a hymn and a prayer - and the prayer was to be led by the same person each day. There seemed very little scope for variety and the moving of the Spirit. However, there were some interesting points.

Firstly, he writes of having a daily pattern of devotions at the start of each day as a way of focussing on God throughout the whole day. This includes sharing meals together through the day as well. Although it may not always be possible to share devotions each morning with the same group of people it did make me realise how I often neglect my morning devotions, or see them as using up valuable time if I am busy, rather than seeing them as imperative for seeing me through the day. Bonhoeffer also writes of these devotions being done as a family. How many families spend time each day in prayer and worship?

Secondly he talks about the importance of reading larger passages of scripture each day rather than just short verses or passages. The point that interested me was that we needed to read the whole of Scripture through in order - reading from the Old and New Testaments simultaneously. While I don't necessarily think we always have to read it through in order, I have come to appreciate that so often we neglect large chunks of the Bible - especially when our Lectionary only covers certain parts of the Bible.

Finally, Bonhoeffer speaks of every meal shared between Christians as being a time of recognising Christ's presence. He mentions the unique place of the Lord's Supper, but emphasises the daily meal as a time of being aware that Jesus is present. And with this in mind, I'm off to share my meal with my family - hopefully more aware of an extra presence!

Dietrich Bonhoeffer - Life Together 1

I feel very lucky - I only have one book that I need to read before starting pre-ordination training in September. It has been decided by the staff and continuing students at Wesley House that we shall all read Bonhoeffer's 'Life Together' over the Summer break as a way of preparing to live in community in September. I have only just started my first read through but was struck by a comment he made. He writes:

'Just as surely as God desires to lead us to a knowledge of genuine Christian fellowship, so surely must we be overwhelmed by a great general disillusionment with others, with Christians in general, and, if we sare fortunate, with ourselves.'

This stopped me dead in my tracks. I read that statement again, and then re-read it a third and fourth time. Surely God doesn't desire that I feel disillusioned with others or myself. I can't believe that the basis for a solid Christian community was disillusionment. As this sentence came within the first few pages of the book I resigned myself to not liking the book. However, I read on, and was glad I did when I came across the next passage:

'God is not a God of emotions but the God of truth. Only the fellowship which faces such disillusionment, with all its unhappy and ugly aspects, begins to be what it should be in God's sight... The sooner this shock of disillusionment comes to...a community the better. A community which cannot bear and survive such a crisis, which insists upon keeping up is illusion when it should be shattered, permanently loses in that moment the promise of Christian community.'

I have not read such a powerful and honest appraisal about community in a long while, if at all. How often do we, as Christian communities, keep up an illusion that all is fine, when in fact, if we truly want to represent God's image of community, we should honestly acknowledge, welcome and deal with our ugly sides, our failings and our weaknesses - both personal and corporate. There are very few communities that actively welcome people warts and all - but the church should be one of them. And just imagine how interesting church meetings could become if we lived like that!

Human Nature shining through

This last week has been a difficult week. My replacement has started and the early signs are great. He seems very confidant and competent. He was the person I wanted to be offered the job and had to argue for this to happen. What is more he is liked by all the young people and volunteers so far. Surely, I should be the happy about all this? But human nature has crept in.

We have just got back from a camp with some of our young people and despite it being a great few days and lots of fun, I came away feeling slightly upset that I am being replaced - replaced at work and replaced in the hearts of the young people. How easy it is for jealousy to creep in. I try to be more like Christ, yet it is hard as human nature is always fighting to come to the fore.

I'm sure that when I leave I will be happy we have such a good replacement. Happy that all the hard work I have put in will not be wasted. Happy that the young people I care so much about are going to continue to recognise their potential.

But for now, for the next few weeks, life is hard as I slowly draw back from one life and move onto another. Prayers will be valued.

Oliver Twist and Graham Kendrick

Friday night I went to Pizza Hut with the youth club I run as part of my work. A night out with pizza and young people is usually a good fun evening. However, this occasion was particularly engaging. As it turned out I was on a table with just one of our young people - a teenager with cerebral palsy. We often have discussions about faith and the world as his family are members of a local Anglican church. Tonight was no different.

We had a brief discussion about the theology of 'Shine Jesus shine.' He comes at the world from a very literal perspective which really made me think about what it meant to have Jesus shining on us - when he obviously doesn't literally shine on us. It was useful because we were singing this hymn today at church. I wonder how often we pick hymns and songs without fully thinking through the meaning of the words - or how we explain the images they talk of.

However, by far the biggest discussion was about Oliver Twist. This lad is appearing in a production of Oliver at his school. The discussion wasn't much about his role in the play, but rather about how upset the story made him - especially when Oliver wasn't allowed any more to eat. He couldn't understand a world where children didn't have enough to eat, where people had to steal to survive, where children were mistreated. He also couldn't understand why Dickens would want to write such an upsetting story.

This challenged me because I haven't tried engaging the young people I work with in issues of social justice enough. However, it also encouraged me because if we can encourage more young people to feel passionate about such issues as child neglect and poverty, then maybe, just maybe, we may have a better future. Charles Dickens wrote stories to challenge his society, I believe that we need modern day stories to do the same.

The Lord gives, and the Lord takes away

I'm really enjoying my job at the moment. Due to the number of activities we are doing each week I'm able to take Wednesdays off. This has led me and my dad to go out for a bike ride each week. Yesterday, we checked the forecast which said heavy showers were due by lunchtime, so we decided to risk it - despite the grey clouds overhead. We had been going for about one hour when the heavens opened - this was not lunchtime as they had predicted. Thankfully, there before us was a large tree - shelter for us from the rain. Isn't God good I marveled. He has provided for us in our need. Soon the shower stopped and we were on our way. However, when we were about 5 miles from home, and heading back along the towpath, the heavens opened once more. This time, it was no passing shower but a persistent deluge. I looked up, but there was no large tree in site - where was God now in our time of need???

As it happened, I really enjoyed the cycle home in the rain. We arrived caked in mud and soaked to the skin, but I thought it was good fun, I'm not sure Dad agreed. However, it did get me thinking that so often we only think of God being present when he meets our wants. We turn to him when we think our situation desperate and feel ignored if we don't receive what we ask for. How many of us have driven around car parks praying for a space, and that we spot it before all the others driving around, as though, just because we believe in God, he should give us that parking space first. I wonder how many of us in that situation stop and think about why the others may need the space before us. Or what should God do if there were two Christians driving round the car park looking for spaces - who gets priority? If you are like me, you will pray for sunshine when you are doing something outdoors, but then are worried when the farmers say that the crops aren't growing as there hasn't been enough rain. God was present with us on that bike ride. He may not have provided a big tree to shelter us, he may not have blown those clouds over so it didn't rain, but I did have a warm house and a hot shower when I got home - things that I could definitely be thankful for, and things that many others caught in the rain these last few weeks, because they have nowhere else to go, could only dream of. I wonder, what could we do to be the answer to someone's prayer today?

Struggling to let go

My time at work and church is drawing to a close. Next week I find out which college I will be going to for pre-ordination training. This brings excitement at what the next step will bring and where it will lead.

But I am struggling to let go. Last Friday saw the first time since I established a monthly cafe church at our church that I wasn't present and other people led it. Although I'm going back next month to lead it again, and although I'm delighted that the hard work of the last year is paying off and people who wouldn't normally talk from the front are offering to do so; it was hard sitting in the office knowing that life at church was carrying on.

I'm struggling to let go at work also. We are currently advertising for someone to replace me. We have had discussions about the role, and I have thought about the children I will be leaving. Some I may not miss quite so much, but they all feel like family. Just walking away and trusting someone else with my family is so very hard. I'm convinced that this is the right time to go. I have taken the charity as far as I can. They need fresh blood and I need a new challenge. But I still don't like the idea of someone taking over.

This has made me think a lot about when I get to being a minister. I never want to stop throwing myself fully into what I do. But at the same time I must remember that it isn't about me, it's about God. It isn't about me being popular, or even missed; rather it is about God's kingdom being built - and for some unknown reason God is calling me to a part of that.

Despite all this... letting go is hard to do.

Wooton Bassett - a true community

Did you watch the documentary about Wooton Bassett on Monday night? It was a really moving programme and I was in tears watching the family of a young man have to watch as his coffin was driven through the town. However, this isn't a discussion about the rights or wrongs of war - this is about community.

The documentary talked of Wooton Bassett being a true community. Members of the town said in this busy world, they still made time to stop, to remember together, to support each other. Friend and stranger was welcomed alike into the community. It was a community that drew others into itself. One man said that they could never look at the High Street in the same way again - that would forever be the place where the community gathered.

There was a lot of truth spoken. Communities should be places that share together. That laugh together. That cry together. That recognise the true priorities in life and stop when they need to in order to gather together. Church community should be the same. We should build a community that can share the good times and the bad times together. A community where people naturally will go, and where friend and stranger will be welcomed alike. We should be a community, just by our very presence and the way we are, draws people into it.

This followed on from the sermon I heard on Sunday. The reading was Jesus appearing to the disciples in the Upper Room. And the sermon focussed on the Upper Room. The place where the disciples gathered. A place forever of memories - good and bad. Doubt and faith. Heartache and elation. We so often argue that our church buildings aren't important - the church is the people. And of course that is correct. However, we do a disservice to our buildings if we see them purely as a space, devoid of any meaning, where we simply collect together. The place is important in building the community. My church has been there for 176 years. For some it is a place of celebration. For others a place of sorrow. For some, over the years, it has been both. Our buildings, while sometimes expensive, sometimes unpractical, are places of memories. And we need to be a community that openly shares the bad times as well as the good, because it is when we are truly community that we will draw others in. It is when we are comfortable with the place where we are, that we will be happy with inviting others in. And as people are drawn in, then the message of the love and grace of Jesus Christ, in good times and bad, will be apparent. And it is then that we will truly be community.

It's a whole other world out there...

'It's like a different world.' This was my first thought as I pulled into the car park for our recent work fundraising event. My Peugeot 206 estate looked quite lowly next to the rows of Porsche, Jaguar, Ferrari and Bentleys already parked. My opinion wasn't changed as they started bidding during the auction later in the day. Some of them were happy bidding £5,000 for things they probably didn't even need. It was wealth on a scale I hadn't seen.

Yet on Sunday it paled into insignificance as the Sunday Times released their rich list showing that the richest people in Britain have once again got richer - even in this age of austerity. Are we really all in this together we may wonder. It seems obscene that as people lose jobs and homes, while some struggle to have one meal, let alone three a day, that people can still see their wealth rise by billions of pounds in some cases. This would make those who attend my fundraising event look poor.

However, before I get too far up my high horse I was brought back down to earth. To the 1 billion people in our world who have to survive on less than $1 a day I am richer than they can ever dream of being. Because I have a roof over my head, food on my table, a job, a car to drive, friends and family who care about me, clean drinking water straight from a tap, a health service that looks after me even if I couldn't afford it (we must fight to protect this) I am one of the richest in the world.

This is where the church needs to be active. This Christian Aid (http://www.caweek.org/week) please act to ensure that poverty is a thing of the past. Please act to ensure that ALL people have the same basic human rights that we all enjoy. Please act.

A sad day

I was saddened to read today that the United Nations celebrated the assassination of Osama bin Laden. Yet in the United Nations there is the sculpture entitled 'Let us beat swords into ploughshares.' The reference found in Isaiah and Micah promising a time of peace. Of all the people promoting peace not death it should be the UN. God, please bring forth peacemakers.

A young dinosaur???

This post threatens to herald my arrival as an out of touch dinosaur when I am still only 30! However, I am finding myself increasingly concerned, frustrated and maddened by the reliance our society places on technology rather than people. I booked 6 tickets to go to the Twickenham Rugby 7's in a couple of weeks. Despite not actually receiving my tickets yet, when I phoned up to add a couple more tickets I was told that I wouldn't be able to move my existing booking so all 8 of us could sit together as their computer system wouldn't allow it. My only option would be to try and sell my existing tickets through their sister company (for a small fee) and then buy 8 new tickets. When re-entering Britain from a recent trip to Greece I had the option of going through the electronic passport control rather than to one of the people sitting there - I chose, despite never finding friendly passport control officer, that I still wanted that human contact. The funny bit was that my 70 year old Dad wanted to use the electronic system to keep up with modern times. I worry that machines can never have the flexibility that a person has. I hate it that supermarkets now have self service checkouts and slowly are eradicating another aspect of personal contact people have.

Technology is very useful (the irony that I am using a blog to complain about the use of modern technology has not been lost on me!), I very rarely go out without my mobile phone. But the reliance we now have on it is worrying. Our communities are gradually being lost as we try and make times like shopping more efficient by removing the human aspect with online shopping and now self service checkouts. Our town centres are becoming less uniques as we demand the same shops as everywhere else.

I have found myself realising the usefulness of technology. As a Spurs fan I know that increased technology would have ensured we beat Chelsea at the weekend. However, I don't want football to become another mechanical event. Human error is part of the game - we accept it from players when they miss shots or goalies fumble the ball, so why is the ref any different?

For the sake of our society and our local communities we need to fight to keep technology in its place. It should be used to make life easier and better, but it should never be allowed to take over our lives as it is doing at the moment. As I lay in bed on Sunday thinking this over this song ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NMnhsr1IJQs&fmt=18 ) from Kate Rusby came onto the radio. It sums up my thoughts totally. We must defend all that is precious to us - both new and old ideas together.

Ecumenical Angst

I am a big believer in ecumenism and am sure that we can do more together than we can apart. Thatcham has always been a town where the churches work well together. However, in the space of a couple of days I have twice had my faith in ecumenism rocked.

As a town we are going through a number of changes with ministers from various churches leaving and some new ones starting (not always quite enough to replace those leaving). This has led to a re-evaluation of what the churches in Thatcham do ecumenically. Some of this re-evaluation has been productive - trying to get a focus back on mission and not just repeating the events we have done for the last however many years. However, some of it has seen denominations retreating back into their comfortable shells. It has been mainly the larger churches who have felt that they are happy for other churches to help out with activities that they are doing, but are now reluctant to get involved in anything else. They seem to be suggesting that their mission is more important, or that ours lacks value or worth. I hope this isn't just sour grapes as I belong to a smaller church that now finds itself somewhat on the sidelines. I believe that the mission of the Church should be varied, celebrating the gifts of the many and being of benefit and value to the whole community. This broad mission can often only be possible when churches work together so we can unite similar gifts of people across all churches. Sadly, it is moving now to being the position that only events that have a clear preaching of the gospel is of any worth.

What has angered me more is speaking to a couple of youngsters I know who attend a different church. When they found out that I had just got back from a Scout St George's Day parade which happens to be held in the local Catholic Church (although presided over by an Anglican vicar), the younger boy (aged 7) told me that I should never go into a Catholic Church as they don't believe what normal Christians believe. Now there are a number of beliefs that many Catholics hold that I would disagree with, but I also accept that I don't hold a monopoly upon the truth either. And for a church to indoctrinate children into thinking that all Catholics are bad I find horrific. However old we are, faith should always be approached in dialogue. We must always be open to new ideas and we must bring the children of our churches up to be people open to new ideas, new ways of seeing God. This did remind me of Jesus' warning about trying to take a speck out of someone else's eye...

I am still an ecumenist. I still believe that we can do more together than we can apart. I don't want to see the end to denominations as I believe they often offer something slightly different, they give rise to a slightly different expression of God. But at the moment my ecumenism is a bit more of a struggle than it has been in previous years. Still, must keep on...

Time to wait

I'm not very good at waiting. Unfortunately, I've had to spend the last week waiting for the result from the Connexional Candidates Selection Committee. I still have one day to go. There have been many times over the last week when I have tried willing the week away - 'If only it was Wednesday', 'I just want to know so I can start to plan the next stage in my life.' It makes it hard when people, who are so supportive and well meaning, ask if I've heard anything yet. Every time it acts as a reminder that I'm still waiting.

During Lent some of us from Church have been reading through 'The Promise of Easter' by Fleur Dorrell. Today's reading was Psalm 130 and I read:

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,

and in his word I hope;

my soul waits for the Lord

more than those who watch for the morning,

more than those who watch for the morning.

I certainly feel as though I am waiting with greater expectation than the watchmen waiting for the morning. However, it made me think that it is often when we have to wait that we can realise the hope from God. Waiting isn't a wasted time. It is a time to stop and to reflect. This last year has been a busy time getting everything ready for Candidating for the Methodist ministry. Taking time to stop has been difficult. And so there has been plenty of time to stop over the last week and remind myself where my hope comes from. As the Psalmist writes later in the same Psalm God's love is a steadfast love, it is on him that we should hope and depend. If I do make it as a minister, this week has taught me that taking time to stop, to wait on God and to reflect is vital. But it doesn't always make waiting any easier.

One more day to go...

Father/Son bonding

I had a couple of days off work last week to recover from the Connexional Candidates Selection Committee. Dad decided that it would be good to take my mind off how well/badly I did at the selection committee by helping him dismantle an old shed in the back garden.

Dad and I do enjoy spending time with each other - we have a similar sense of humour and enjoy the same kinds of things. It is also worth noting that we aren't famous for our practical skills. However, he is still miles ahead of me. It was really good to remember that the older generation still have a lot to teach us. So often it is me showing him how to use his mobile/work something out on the computer that I forget there is so much I still have to learn from him.

We had plenty of laughs along the way and it did succeed in taking my mind off things. Happy Days!

Time goes too quickly

I can't believe that it has been over 3 months since I last blogged. Life has been hectic over the last few weeks. At the beginning of January I had the Circuit meeting where they voted to send me forward into candidating. It was a tremendous feeling to know that over the last few years the members of my circuit have noticed the same sense of calling that I have felt. I was told that it would give me a boost as I go into the rest of the Candidating process. While I wasn't aware of it at the time, looking back now I can see that it did.

In February I had the District Candidates Committee - this was a much tougher ordeal and drained me physically and emotionally. Thankfully I managed to get through but it has led me to reflect even more on who I am and what I believe. Many of the questions were centered around my understanding and experience of Jesus and the Trinity. While I'm still not much closer to an answer about the Trinity it did make me realise that I took Jesus too much for granted. I liked Jesus the friend, and Jesus the radical who challenged the establishment and society of his time, but what did it mean to me as Jesus my Saviour or Jesus my Lord? And if I took either/both of those ideas seriously how did they affect my life and why wasn't I talking about them more?

I am now preparing for the Connexional stage. I have been asked to prepare a 5 minute presentation on Methodism and discipleship. So I am reading Martyn Atkins' book on the subject as that was recommended. Although some of it does come across as a history book, there are some really important themes and ideas that we, as Methodists seem to have lost (well, certainly in my experience). The idea of being a movement geared towards mission and holiness should be where we head back towards. Not telling everyone that they are awful people going to hell, but that there is a God who loves them and there is a better life to be lived. It is a message that does involve challenge because it does mean living a life with and for Jesus - taking on his priorities rather than just living for ourselves. Added to that I was taken by the idea of Connexion being more than just a structure for an organisation and rather being a tool for mission and an expression of God and community to our world. This is something we should value and engage with, rather than just whinge about. My big question is - how, in 5 minutes, can you bring some of that out to a church fellowship group in a way that will encourage discussion and lead to deeper discipleship (the challenge set by Connexion)??? Answers on a postcard please!!