Time to wait

I'm not very good at waiting. Unfortunately, I've had to spend the last week waiting for the result from the Connexional Candidates Selection Committee. I still have one day to go. There have been many times over the last week when I have tried willing the week away - 'If only it was Wednesday', 'I just want to know so I can start to plan the next stage in my life.' It makes it hard when people, who are so supportive and well meaning, ask if I've heard anything yet. Every time it acts as a reminder that I'm still waiting.

During Lent some of us from Church have been reading through 'The Promise of Easter' by Fleur Dorrell. Today's reading was Psalm 130 and I read:

I wait for the Lord, my soul waits,

and in his word I hope;

my soul waits for the Lord

more than those who watch for the morning,

more than those who watch for the morning.

I certainly feel as though I am waiting with greater expectation than the watchmen waiting for the morning. However, it made me think that it is often when we have to wait that we can realise the hope from God. Waiting isn't a wasted time. It is a time to stop and to reflect. This last year has been a busy time getting everything ready for Candidating for the Methodist ministry. Taking time to stop has been difficult. And so there has been plenty of time to stop over the last week and remind myself where my hope comes from. As the Psalmist writes later in the same Psalm God's love is a steadfast love, it is on him that we should hope and depend. If I do make it as a minister, this week has taught me that taking time to stop, to wait on God and to reflect is vital. But it doesn't always make waiting any easier.

One more day to go...

Father/Son bonding

I had a couple of days off work last week to recover from the Connexional Candidates Selection Committee. Dad decided that it would be good to take my mind off how well/badly I did at the selection committee by helping him dismantle an old shed in the back garden.

Dad and I do enjoy spending time with each other - we have a similar sense of humour and enjoy the same kinds of things. It is also worth noting that we aren't famous for our practical skills. However, he is still miles ahead of me. It was really good to remember that the older generation still have a lot to teach us. So often it is me showing him how to use his mobile/work something out on the computer that I forget there is so much I still have to learn from him.

We had plenty of laughs along the way and it did succeed in taking my mind off things. Happy Days!

Time goes too quickly

I can't believe that it has been over 3 months since I last blogged. Life has been hectic over the last few weeks. At the beginning of January I had the Circuit meeting where they voted to send me forward into candidating. It was a tremendous feeling to know that over the last few years the members of my circuit have noticed the same sense of calling that I have felt. I was told that it would give me a boost as I go into the rest of the Candidating process. While I wasn't aware of it at the time, looking back now I can see that it did.

In February I had the District Candidates Committee - this was a much tougher ordeal and drained me physically and emotionally. Thankfully I managed to get through but it has led me to reflect even more on who I am and what I believe. Many of the questions were centered around my understanding and experience of Jesus and the Trinity. While I'm still not much closer to an answer about the Trinity it did make me realise that I took Jesus too much for granted. I liked Jesus the friend, and Jesus the radical who challenged the establishment and society of his time, but what did it mean to me as Jesus my Saviour or Jesus my Lord? And if I took either/both of those ideas seriously how did they affect my life and why wasn't I talking about them more?

I am now preparing for the Connexional stage. I have been asked to prepare a 5 minute presentation on Methodism and discipleship. So I am reading Martyn Atkins' book on the subject as that was recommended. Although some of it does come across as a history book, there are some really important themes and ideas that we, as Methodists seem to have lost (well, certainly in my experience). The idea of being a movement geared towards mission and holiness should be where we head back towards. Not telling everyone that they are awful people going to hell, but that there is a God who loves them and there is a better life to be lived. It is a message that does involve challenge because it does mean living a life with and for Jesus - taking on his priorities rather than just living for ourselves. Added to that I was taken by the idea of Connexion being more than just a structure for an organisation and rather being a tool for mission and an expression of God and community to our world. This is something we should value and engage with, rather than just whinge about. My big question is - how, in 5 minutes, can you bring some of that out to a church fellowship group in a way that will encourage discussion and lead to deeper discipleship (the challenge set by Connexion)??? Answers on a postcard please!!

The scariest experience of my life

Ok, so the title may be a slight exaggeration!

What was this scary event - was it my second assessed service for candidating yesterday morning? No it wasn't! I was obviously nervous, but then I get nervous before any service. However, it all seemed to go well.

The scariest event was in fact going to the Parent and Toddler group at one of our local churches to tell the Christmas story. I was asked a couple of weeks ago as Mondays is our minister's day off. They said that the previous minister used to get the toddlers to help act out the story and they would all come dressed up. I have been working with children and young people for the past 8 years but the youngest I have worked with is 5 - toddlers has never been my age group of choice. This morning I was very nervous - far more so than yesterday for the service. Would the children get involved, how long was it meant to last, would they run a mile when they saw me, would we have 30 shepherds but no angels?? This was a new experience and definitely out of my comfort zone!

However, it seemed to go well. All the mums said that it was good. The children all got involved. We only had one shepherd and one wise man but hey, they weren't bothered. They even joined in a song telling the Christmas story with actions to the tune of 'The wheels on the bus.' Maybe I didn't need to be so scared after all!

Advent Reflections 2 - Saviour

"For God so loved the world that he gave his only son that whoever believes in him shall not die but have eternal life. For God did not send his son into the world to condemn the world but to save the world through him." (John 3:16-17)

What more needs to be said? As I sit and watch the candle burn down passed 2 it illuminates the title Saviour and I am reminded the Jesus came because God loves me so much. However, there is a challenge. Because Jesus came not just because God loves me, but because God loves the world. That means that God loves those that I struggle to, or just don't. He loves those that irritate me. He loves those who have done evil things in this world. Jesus came as Saviour for us all. So this Advent (and hopefully beyond) I'm going to try and remember that Jesus came because he loved all the world, not just me and my family and friends. And I'm going to try and especially remember this when people are irritating me or do things I don't like.

This title also reminds me that if Jesus came as Saviour then there is obviously something that I/we need saving from. I like to focus on God's love, which is always the best place to start. However, I also need to look inward and recognise that there are things I do which Jesus wouldn't. If I want to be truly the person God saved me to be then I do need to turn from those things. But it isn't always easy. The good news I'm reminded of is that God is with me. The book I'm reading for Advent had as it's reading today Lamentations 3:22 "The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases."

Advent Reflections 1 - Lord

As with the last few Advents I have bought an Advent Candle. Maybe it is the prehistoric male urges within me to create fire but I find something fascinating about watching a candle burn. The candle I have this year not only has the numbers on it but it also has titles of Jesus - one for every day. So I thought I would use these as a way to reflect on what these titles mean for me as a way of preparing for Christmas.

Day 1 - Lord. 'Jesus is Lord', supposedly the oldest creed. What does it mean for Jesus to be Lord? For me it is a picture of power and authority. Jesus is one to be obeyed and he has the power to resource all he wants us to do. However, he is not a lord who just makes unreasonable demands upon his subjects. He is someone who loves his people, who wants what is best for them. As Lord he has led by example. When he tells us to pick up our crosses it is to follow him. He asks nothing of us that he hasn't done himself. So when we obey him as our Lord, we can do so knowing that all he instructs and requests is for our good and out of his love.

Back to Blog Wednesday

It has been a long while since I last blogged. Mainly due to having a chest infection which has stubbornly held on for a month and is still not giving up yet. However, the longer I have not blogged, the harder it has been to get back into it. Trying to think of things to blog, gaining the motivation to log back on. It has made me realise how easy it can be to stop attending church. Once you have missed a few weeks it becomes harder and harder. What will people say, will they have noticed I'm not there, what reasons can I give for not attending. How important it is to have events like Back to church Sunday. I'm sure there are countless people out there who just don't have the courage or motivation to go back to church even if they may want to, and yet may respond to someone else inviting them.

Rather than having pastoral visitors in our church we are all members of pastoral groups and our group meets up about once a month. This month we are going out for a Christmas dinner together (always good!) and I am really impressed that there are two couples who don't attend church much now who are both coming. In fact, one of the ladies has now started coming to church a bit since the invite for the meals went out. Keeping these connections with people is so important and something we mustn't underestimate.

It is good to be back blogging and I wonder if there is someone waiting for an invite from you back to church?