Struggling to let go

My time at work and church is drawing to a close. Next week I find out which college I will be going to for pre-ordination training. This brings excitement at what the next step will bring and where it will lead.

But I am struggling to let go. Last Friday saw the first time since I established a monthly cafe church at our church that I wasn't present and other people led it. Although I'm going back next month to lead it again, and although I'm delighted that the hard work of the last year is paying off and people who wouldn't normally talk from the front are offering to do so; it was hard sitting in the office knowing that life at church was carrying on.

I'm struggling to let go at work also. We are currently advertising for someone to replace me. We have had discussions about the role, and I have thought about the children I will be leaving. Some I may not miss quite so much, but they all feel like family. Just walking away and trusting someone else with my family is so very hard. I'm convinced that this is the right time to go. I have taken the charity as far as I can. They need fresh blood and I need a new challenge. But I still don't like the idea of someone taking over.

This has made me think a lot about when I get to being a minister. I never want to stop throwing myself fully into what I do. But at the same time I must remember that it isn't about me, it's about God. It isn't about me being popular, or even missed; rather it is about God's kingdom being built - and for some unknown reason God is calling me to a part of that.

Despite all this... letting go is hard to do.